God’s Strength

I know I shared with you how much it hurt when my marriage ended. How much I struggled. I wanted to share with you today the day that God poured his strength into me and I was able to stand up for myself. The day that enough was enough for me when it came to the toxic marriage and divorce I had.

After my marriage ended my ex would call and show up from time to time. We hadn’t filed for divorce yet and I would grasp onto any little bone he would throw my way. After all, no one else would want me. This went on for months through all sorts of personal disasters. The day I decided I was worth more was after I had began treatment for mental illness.

My ex had called and wanted to video chat with me. That mean the wanted a booty call. For whatever reason I asked him to wait like five minutes. I was in the middle of something and needed a little time. When I called him back he didn’t answer.

The not answering was his way of making me see just how I had wronged him. To understand my mistake which he would correct when he saw me. I called several times and then I got angry. I got so angry! I mean how dare him? Because I needed a few minutes. That moment and day was the moment I felt God’s strength inside me.

I didn’t have to be this woman. The one who waits for a man who clearly doesn’t want her anymore. The woman who is made to feel stupid, worthless, and unloved. I was my father’s daughter and I would be damned he would treat me this way ever again.

When the phone came for him to yell at me and ask if I was ready to accept my correction I didn’t answer. In fact, I had the locks changed and enjoyed my weekend. We he came and beat on the door, I didn’t answer. I filed for divorce knowing I had kept my vows and did everything I could.

He thought he had me beat down and for the longest time he did. That day I took my power back thanks to God reminding me how much I am worth. That I get to decide who is or isn’t in my life. I will admit I was scared that he would take the kids away. After all, I had attempted suicide more than once and could be seen as unfit. I stressed and worried so much. In the end he didn’t because they would get int he way of his freedom to do whatever he wants.

He has only in the last couple of year began seeing them regularly again. I’m thankful for my years with him because they have shown me what I don’t want or need in my life. Although I will admit there are moments when I think I could have done without those lessons. They were hard lessons to learn. I suffered because of them and I want to say I came out stronger. I think I did but also a little more broken too.

Did you ever feel God’s strength just when you needed it? Feel free to share your story with us in the comments.