Lord Give Me Strength

There are moments and days like this moment when I ask that of God more than I should. This morning has been trying. My sister said she was coming down, but no one has heard from her this morning. She was a recovering addict. I say was, but she is back to acting the way she did when she was using and I’m sure she is back on the junk. If not, then she is being selfish. My mother called her a dozen times yesterday, but she never answered.

My mother’s feelings get hurt when she doesn’t answer or call her back. She texted she was in a meeting; she had someone over, and a million other excuses. Now, it wouldn’t be much of an enormous deal. But my sister doesn’t work, which means she doesn’t have a lot of places or things to do. I get frustrated because she called last week going on and on about how she was getting this job and needed a computer. She knew I had a laptop and needed it. She also gave me a list of things she wanted on the laptop and to add. I waffled back and forth on whether to give her the laptop. I figured I would give the laptop to her and did what she asked of me. Yet, today she can’t find a moment to even send a text that she can’t show up. She wanted me to give the laptop to her daughter or even ship it to her .

That is two things I refused to do. I mean if I wanted a laptop and was getting a free one I would at least take the time to pick it up. Especially after the stink she made about me giving it to her. She was in a program and had to stay on track, but it was like the moment she finished the program she went right back to the same way. When she gets around to answering she will have an excuse. For example, her and her boyfriend and/or ex were arguing or  I just don’t understand her struggle. We all struggle. She was doing well and I pray that God can help her find that wellness again. I’m the older sister, yet you would never know it.  She tests my patience and faith more than anyone or anything else. 

Psalm 119:28 

When dealing with my sister I always ask God to give me the patience to handle her. She can be flighty int he best of times. I love my sister but there are moments, like today, when I’m just done. It’s easy for my mother to say that is just how she is. That’s not true, that is her choice. I try to remember that God is at work and maybe there is a reason behind all that he does.  I think of psalm 119:28 when I deal with her. It reads: 

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.

Dealing with her leaves my soul weary with sorrow. Sorrow that the sister I once knew is nowhere to be found. I thought most of her issues were the abusive marriage she was in. I see now her biggest issues were the drugs. On top of the fact that she refuses to let go of her ex. She has moved on some, but she keeps in touch with him. Refuses to stop calling him and having contact with him. 


Another scripture comes to mind when dealing with her.

Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” – Colossians 3:13

I know I need to forgive her and the way she acts. She’s my sister and deserves the forgiveness. It’s hard to forgive our family members when they hurt us. We hold them to higher standards than we do strangers. They are the people who know us the best and know what hurts the most. My sister knows how to push all of my buttons and which ones will drive me up a wall. I hate seeing my mother get her feelings hurt and upset. She spends hours trying to call or get my sister to speak to her. She puts my sister first in everything because my sister struggles more than the rest of us. That is what my mother says, and maybe some of my anger at my sister is grounded in that. Both of my brothers have written her off.

I haven’t done that because I have hope. I used to have hope, but I’m think it is more for my mother than anything else. If my mother didn’t live with me, I would have written her off already. Today and this week I will work harder on forgiving her and moving on. Giving her the forgiveness God has told us to do will allow me to more beyond the hurt. My relationship with my sister will never be what it once was. It has altered into a mix of enjoyable days and unpleasant days. I‘m taking each interaction as it comes. 


Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *